so we're down to days now until our little bundle joins our family. although nervous about how my life will once again change, i'm so excited to meet and fall in love with him. change is always scary to me (especially when it involves labor, no sleep and breast feeding) but i know it helps us grow, learn and become better people.
i've been thinking about how these are some of the last few days i will have alone with my little junie and it brings tears to my eyes. not sad tears because we are only adding more love into our little family, but tears of knowing it will be different and never the same. for the last 20 months she has been everything to me. my life literally revolves around her. in the beginning i remember loving her so much and was almost disappointed when i couldn't feel this strong love back from our teeny tiny newborn. i would think to myself "gosh, all she wants is food and sleep--not me." well that has definitely changed. although she does really love her food and sleep, i know she really loves me too. "mommy" is usually the first word that comes out of her mouth in the morning and the last word she speaks before bedtime. she loves to be right at my side, she shows me everything she's doing, always has to get my nod of approval on most thoughts or questions she has, and wants me first when she gets an "owie."
i know she will love her little brother so much--she's obsessed with babies right now--but i'm scared of her feeling like she is less important in my life. how do i prevent that? there is nothing that has crushed my heart more than when i can see june has had her feelings hurt or is scared. i don't want this change in our life to bring her any of these feelings. is this what the rest of my life is going to be like.. trying to prevent these feelings from coming to her?
many nights when we've run out of things to do and are waiting for bath time we'll play in photobooth together making funny faces. we are usually both sticky and sweaty at this point in the day, with messy hair and only half way dressed. but i love to go back and see how she's changed and what a big girl she looks like now. each picture brings back a memory for me and reminds me how much i love spending all my time with her. i feel so lucky to have shared her only with cody over the past year and a half and i'm still as crazy about her as the day she was born.
15 comments:
Your sentiments are bee-u-tee-ful! I have felt the same way about Lucy. I am anxious for any advice you'll have about adding another darling to your family. LOVE the picture collage! Can't wait to meet Mini-Codes.
that was so sweet. june is so lucky to have you....and so will that handsome little buddy about to join your family. you are such a good mama. june will have so much fun with her brother, im so excited for you guys!
such a good idea that photobooth. i'm going to have to do that at night too because i ALWAYS run out of stuff to do before bath time. love you and love june and love that baby that will be here so soon.
So darling! I remember feeling the exact same way when our #2 was about to join us - I felt so bad that my attention was suddenly going to be divided and I wondered if it would work. The good news is, it did work, and it's still magically working with #3! I think the mere fact that you're aware that you want to still have one on one time with her means that you'll make it happen. At least that's how it was with me. Can't wait to see the little man!
lori, i felt the exact same way. i even remember crying the day i was going to have van because i felt like i was betraying bay, or that things would never be the same, and that our little best friend thing, was going to change.
for some reason, as soon as he's born, it won't feel like that anymore. just lots more love.
I think about that all the time and feel so bad for Van even though I'm not even pregnant I'm already stressed about it. But I'm sure everyone is right as soon as it happens it just works out. She'll love him and she'll have another buddy so that will be fun for her.
I CAN'T wait to meet baby boy!
oh you two are adorable together. i love that you have done this together for so long! i can' wait to see baby boy walker!!!
i already worry about all these things and i don't even have a baby on the way! i'm sure you'll still be best friends with june and be a wonderful mother to both. i am dying over those pictures of you and june, so cute.
I love this post Lori. It reminds me of how I felt before Ethan was born. I couldn't imagine loving any one as much as I loved Bella. But it happens and when he is born you will see how. Good luck!
june is such a sweetie! but not to worry- i was the last of the bunch and we all know mom has enough love to spread around, making everyone feel special, loved, and important. i think your love only grows-mom likes me the best, you know :)
This is such a touching, sweet post! Makes me really treasure this time I have with little L.
I had a conversation with a friend who just had #2 and she said it's almost like how she worried things would change with her husband when they had their first baby. And things did change, but in a really really good way.
Thanks for sharing these darling pictures of you two! I can't pick a favorite because they are all so adorable!It's so cute to read about the close relationship you & June have. I wish I had some good advice for you, Lori!
Lori....I remember those very same feelings. Reading this brought back lots of feelings and memories. I remember laying in bed crying to Mac about these same anxieties and worries just days before I was due.
I remember how gigantic and grown up Mya seemed when she walked into my hospital room to meet Jack for the first time. I was happy and sad all at the same time. My baby wasn't a baby anymore. You just can't quite wrap your head around it.
As you know, this is thee best thing you are doing for her, giving her a sibling. Thinking about that eased my same worries. You'll be surprised at how much love and time you have to give to both your children.
I will be thinking about you and checking back... anxious to read about your new arrival!
You will feel SO GOOD when you see little Junie with baby boy. All these feelings will melt away....Almost. It is hard at first to juggle the two, but with a little time you'll find a way to balance both and feel like you're not depriving either! Hearing my girls laugh together is the sweetest sound in the uni. Love you. xoxo
Same feelings shared by all mothers I think, it is really weird wondering how you could love someone as much as your first. But, it's true. Cutest little photobooth pictures.
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